Managing Megxit

 

It is said by those who know a lot, that the first step to dealing with a challenge is admitting that you have a problem. It seems that I might have a problem. It is entirely possible that I am becoming addicted to the #Megxit story. In retrospect, I have always been “at risk” and the latest developments have, I fear, pushed my fascination into a full-blown obsession.

The best way to understand this is how my DNA analyst put it to me. “Your DNA is a loaded gun,” she explained, “your lifestyle pulls the trigger.” Sadly, for me, #Megxit is an AK47. She might have been talking about weight loss and sugar, but the similarities are there.

It didn’t help that a friend (read: enabler) told me that I could place alerts for #Megxit on my phone, meaning that I never need to miss a thing.

The story is a sexy one and has all the elements that make it a best seller. Gorgeous people, kings and queens, magnificent fashion, tiaras and more crucially, a sad vulnerable man, who is really just a boy who lost his mom, and who is forever in need of our love. An orphan really. Younger women wanted to marry him, older women want to take care of him, and men, well we just want to fly helicopters and play strip-pool with him and his model friends in Las Vegas.

We have always been drawn to the intrigue of the royals, perhaps as an escape from our mundane and boring lives. Our literature bursts with stories of princes and princesses, of kings and queens and betrayal. Hollywood modernized this with local equivalents like Dallas and Dynasty. Just as in the UK’s Downton Abby, we divide the world into those who live “above the stairs” and those who live below it.

I make no secret of the fact that for some time I have distrusted Meghan Markle. Her history of broken relationships and devastation is indication enough that she is by no means a first offender. Her relationship with her own family (aside from her mother), past friends, ex husband and her treatment of Harry’s friends portrays a driven and calculating person who is more than just a little narcissistic. Her removal of Harry from his support system is worrying as this is the behaviour of an abuser. So much so that I have been trawling videos of Harry to see if he is asking for help by blinking out the word. I could also find little evidence of him writing the words “call for help” with his pasta or slipping desperate notes to confused fans.

The fact that I could find no such communication makes me wonder if he isn’t perhaps suffering from the worst kind of Stockholm syndrome. Indeed; an American woman having captured a British prince, suffering from Stockholm syndrome, in Canada. Little wonder that this is an international interest story.

Against popular opinion, I wrote an article critical of the Markles tour of South Africa. I found the event staged and contrived and although many disagree with me, I just didn’t buy what they were selling.  Irrespective of how many tragically poor babies they coddled, and how many floors they sat on, how badly Meghan dressed just to show she was one of uu I remained unmoved and unconvinced that this was the real deal.

My obsession with this story threatens to overwhelm me and it is now clear that I need to do something to manage it. I considered forming a support group #ManageYourMegxit but soon realised that I would just be looking for more people to share information with – much like a sex addict who attends  sessions in order to meet like-minded people. Or an alcoholic who invites fellow alcoholics for a toast to celebrate sobriety. I am cunning and deceptive when it comes to this story and I am shameless in my pursuit of information.

Much like Meghan, I cannot be trusted.

The fact that this story is almost as big as the Iranian- US conflict is indication that I don’t suffer my addiction alone. I accept that this is not justification for my own behaviour, for which I alone am responsible. I ask God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference. All of which I will focus on, as soon as I catch up on what I have missed whilst writing this column.